17th September 2001

There were 1842 fatalities in 2001 in Delhi due to road accidents. Just like any other kid in school this figure would have disturbed me had it not been for the bell that rang on 17^th December. We were not expecting anyone as dad was supposed to be at some computer course. So when three ladies from our society told us that there had been an accident just outside the gate in which someone had been injured and taken to hospital, I came along with them to identify scooter but did not believe the injured one would be my dad.

When I saw the familiar helmet lying in the middle of the road I still controlled myself thinking it would be a minor accident. When I saw him, Papa’s head was covered in bandages. He was in a drowsy state due to medicines and his left eye was not opening. I asked the doctor if his eye would be fine but he did not know. He referred him to R&R hospital and we went along where I saw a paramedic slapping my dad to keep him awake. My dad was not feeling the pain of those slaps but I was. We reached the hospital where the nurses and doctors got busy with the case. When we heard the nurses tell us that nothing could be confirmed till the head injury was investigated and the doctors kept avoiding us, that is when I and my mom started feeling the gravity of the situation. Somehow his Air Force mates got the news and reached there and one of my mausi was called. The next 4 days I cried. I prayed. I forgot my reason for being an atheist. I just wanted him to be back. Everyone had started coming to meet us and talking about how well he cared for people who worked with him and how he had helped out his relatives were just words to me then. I was recording them in my head but not really listening at that time. My chachas from Punjab and mamas from Norway started trickling in as his organs started giving in slowly. By the 6^th day the doctor told us that he was going to remain in a vegetative state even if he recovered. That was when I went to him and asked him to quit if he wanted to. When on the 7^th day I was not taken to the hospital I knew inspite of the assurances that it had happened. Those numbers had turned into a person. I wanted to die but 2 hours after that when my chacha banged his fist on a door, I jumped and went to him and comforted him. That is when I realized nothing is permanent and a human can overcome anything. I had become an observer rather than a participant. I realized how everyone did not know what to say to us and I just hugged them all whenever the words became difficult for them. Soon the talk turned to revenge and my relatives wanted to ensure a foolproof case against the hit and run driver. I did not think that was going to help our family and would only destroy his. That was not my father. That was not me. We still do not know about that case. I reverted back to atheism looking at things from a practical point of view and we started healing very slowly. In a month I did not want the condolences but I remembered the words about how my father had lived his life as an example helping others and loving his work, I knew I wanted to be him. I realized the emotions are temporary but the feelings are forever. You are going to die one day. Your ego might try to stop you from connecting with a person, but it will not provide the comfort when you miss that last hug. And when you help someone without any expectations, it never goes waste. Cherish your life and do not worry about the future which may or may not exist.