How do you choose THE ONE
Listening to Woh Ladki hai Kahaan from Dil Chahta Hai while cycling, discussion with a friend(more like a question which I ignored and gave him some philosophical crap) and a random article... All this has made me actually consider this question. How would you decide who is the one? How would you know if there's some connection? How would you know if that connection is good enough to take you through all the bad times never allowing you to quit on that person?
I believe in making friends only. Only when I feel the connection, can that person graduate to being more than that. And it just happens with time without any reason. But I guess there are always some reasons. You just dont realize it. Otherwise every person you have known for some time would be THE ONE. But it isnt. And thus I thought some more.
So my instant reaction was a person sharing my interests. She should like going for trips, wrestle with me like my sister does, root for the social causes, have the same moral ethics and many such similar things.
But thinking a bit deeper, I am not so sure. Seriously saying, I dont know. I do not want that person to be too similar to me. That just might make it all too boring. If she doesnt like watching cricket, it isnt that bad. If she likes to shop, it isnt that bad too. In fact it just creates an opportunity to try something I or she would not do otherwise. If we somehow do start liking it, voila. If not then we can respect each other's choices and the fact that we tried. So whats important is that she should be open to trying things that are new and at the same time should be tolerant enough to respect my independent choices and not try too hard to change me.
So I want her to complete me? Nope. Complete things are too boring. I used to think and fret over things I havent learned. I want to learn swimming, I want to travel to adventurous places, I want to learn about different cultures, I want to learn a combat style, I want to learn Reiki and the list goes on. This is now. But when I look into my past, I wanted to do different things. I did them, enjoyed doing them but now they dont mean a thing to me. So the excitement of an activity is only till
you learn it. After that its just something you know. You may use it sometimes if needed but you derive no pleasure from it being in your arsenal. Thus the more things there are left for you to learn, the more exciting it is. And having someone at the same beginners level is the best thing. That someone would not get bored or frustrated teaching you the basics or would not be in awe of you in vice versa case. Now there's always the possibility that one might like that thing more than the other. So here again, respecting other's choice comes into play. You love your freedom and likewise everyone does. So dont encroach upon it when the other person is not allowing. Try talking about it, motivating but not forcing.
So here comes the most important thing. If you dont force anyone, they dont leave their comfort zone. You ve to do some dhakka but where to set the limit. That is something you understand with time be it with your siblings, friends or THE ONE. You just need to be sensitive enough to note the reactions and open enough to discuss your reasons for doing or not doing things. As soon as you realize the other person has closed his/her mind and gone into a shell, its no use trying to discuss. End that conversation then and there and wait for the next time. They ll be more accommodating then than now. So, in my context, till I am able to reach that level of openness which would be required to live with that person, discuss the things I cant with friends other than best friends, I wont even consider that possibility. I consider it as the most important thing as its not just some kind of selection criteria but the criteria after selection. I wont ever quit on a person who is open as well as sensitive to my thinking however hard the times may seem. If there are 2 people willing to solve their problems, the solution is guaranteed.
Summing it all up, for me THE ONE has to have a sense of adventure, have respect for other's choices and independent to make her own and declare the same, open enough to all kind of conversations and sensitive enough to realize when not to push a matter further. Everything else is too trivial. Even after that, there's no guarantee of a perfect life but there is of having the time of our lives.
PS. Even though this thinking seems valid enough even for arranged marriages, but I still loathe them. I wont like taking chances with my whole life cause someone matches the "CRITERIA". Its just what may lead to a connection but that connection has to happen before even considering her to be THE ONE.
I believe in making friends only. Only when I feel the connection, can that person graduate to being more than that. And it just happens with time without any reason. But I guess there are always some reasons. You just dont realize it. Otherwise every person you have known for some time would be THE ONE. But it isnt. And thus I thought some more.
So my instant reaction was a person sharing my interests. She should like going for trips, wrestle with me like my sister does, root for the social causes, have the same moral ethics and many such similar things.
But thinking a bit deeper, I am not so sure. Seriously saying, I dont know. I do not want that person to be too similar to me. That just might make it all too boring. If she doesnt like watching cricket, it isnt that bad. If she likes to shop, it isnt that bad too. In fact it just creates an opportunity to try something I or she would not do otherwise. If we somehow do start liking it, voila. If not then we can respect each other's choices and the fact that we tried. So whats important is that she should be open to trying things that are new and at the same time should be tolerant enough to respect my independent choices and not try too hard to change me.
So I want her to complete me? Nope. Complete things are too boring. I used to think and fret over things I havent learned. I want to learn swimming, I want to travel to adventurous places, I want to learn about different cultures, I want to learn a combat style, I want to learn Reiki and the list goes on. This is now. But when I look into my past, I wanted to do different things. I did them, enjoyed doing them but now they dont mean a thing to me. So the excitement of an activity is only till
you learn it. After that its just something you know. You may use it sometimes if needed but you derive no pleasure from it being in your arsenal. Thus the more things there are left for you to learn, the more exciting it is. And having someone at the same beginners level is the best thing. That someone would not get bored or frustrated teaching you the basics or would not be in awe of you in vice versa case. Now there's always the possibility that one might like that thing more than the other. So here again, respecting other's choice comes into play. You love your freedom and likewise everyone does. So dont encroach upon it when the other person is not allowing. Try talking about it, motivating but not forcing.
So here comes the most important thing. If you dont force anyone, they dont leave their comfort zone. You ve to do some dhakka but where to set the limit. That is something you understand with time be it with your siblings, friends or THE ONE. You just need to be sensitive enough to note the reactions and open enough to discuss your reasons for doing or not doing things. As soon as you realize the other person has closed his/her mind and gone into a shell, its no use trying to discuss. End that conversation then and there and wait for the next time. They ll be more accommodating then than now. So, in my context, till I am able to reach that level of openness which would be required to live with that person, discuss the things I cant with friends other than best friends, I wont even consider that possibility. I consider it as the most important thing as its not just some kind of selection criteria but the criteria after selection. I wont ever quit on a person who is open as well as sensitive to my thinking however hard the times may seem. If there are 2 people willing to solve their problems, the solution is guaranteed.
Summing it all up, for me THE ONE has to have a sense of adventure, have respect for other's choices and independent to make her own and declare the same, open enough to all kind of conversations and sensitive enough to realize when not to push a matter further. Everything else is too trivial. Even after that, there's no guarantee of a perfect life but there is of having the time of our lives.
PS. Even though this thinking seems valid enough even for arranged marriages, but I still loathe them. I wont like taking chances with my whole life cause someone matches the "CRITERIA". Its just what may lead to a connection but that connection has to happen before even considering her to be THE ONE.
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